What’s Eating You?

 [Source]
Note: that’s not me. 

Sooooo…life has been tough lately. I’m not trying to be depressing and drag everyone down, but by the same token I don’t really feel like it’s honest to breeze on by all that I’m feeling just to write about something interesting. I want to try to acknowledge my feelings—both for me and for others. I want my readers to know that  if you’re feeling blue or going through something hard you’re not alone. I think on cyberspace it’s really easy to ignore those feelings or problems and just present a cheery and ‘together’ facade. That’s okay for some stuff I suppose, but on this blog I want to keep things honest and real! Food + feelings are definitely big things for me right now; so why hide it? By the same token, I definitely think there is a place for tact and discretion and I don’t intend to do away with that any time soon!

So what’s going wrong? Well eating has been okay. Not horrible at least…but than again I don’t really have much to eat in the way of binge foods because I haven’t gone to the store in a while. Is that a good thing or a bad thing?  To some extent I feel like I need the binge foods and I just can’t live without them. When I don’t have them it is painful but I usually just end up eating other stuff instead. Which brings me to something I talked about once with my old counselor: if you’re really craving, say, a candy bar sometimes it’s better to just have what you really want (the candy bar) instead of eating a million other things to compensate. I’m not sure if that’s really the problem for me, though, but it makes me wonder if it’s better to stock up on the trigger foods to meet my craving instead of just trying to meet the need by eating a bunch of other stuff.

Overall, I guess I’ve just been feeling low lately because:

A Dozen Things That Weigh Me Down

1. My cRaZy sleep schedule—can’t sleep at night; sleep all day.
2. The usual weird eats and cravings; wondering whether my diet is contributing to any of my other problems.
3. Concentration issues; being overwhelmed and stressed.
4. Feeling depressed and blah.
5. Trying to be healthy and all that, falling short (not exercising, etc.)
6. Feeling like  a failure, a lousy person…because of so many things.
7. Not really having a life, just kinda hanging out at home feeling sorry for myself.
8. Worrying about money; being timid and scared to try new things.
9. Wanting to be perfect, getting frustrated that I’m not.
10. Feeling like I can’t do what I want, cultivate my talents—it seems like there’s always something in  the way.
11. Uncertainty about the future.
12. Guilt for not doing enough, not helping out enough, not praying and loving God enough.

And that’s just a taste of what swirls through my mind in any given hour. Sounds kind of like I need to do a gratitude exercise, doesn’t it? Well, I really don’t want to do this, but just because I should try to cheer up, here are 3 things I’m thankful for. (I think—I hope—I can handle 3!)

Three Things I’m Thankful For

1. My family. They’re not perfect but they’re alright. :D
2. Being free and, for the most part, safe.
3. My Catholic faith.

You know, it felt kind of good to get all that out—the drudgery dozen as well as the thankful three. I have to admit, I feel like Eeyore writing that first list, though. (Last week when I babysat the kids were watching Winnie the Pooh so I guess that’s in my mind. LOL).

What’s weighing you down? (You don’t have to list a dozen—though you can if you want.) What are some things you’re thankful for? This may sound stupid, but see if writing it all down doesn’t help. If you want, you can share your lists by leaving a comment.

No matter bad how things get, try to  just hang in there. You aren’t alone. I’m praying for y’all!!! (Pray for me too, k?)



P.S. I love making lists. Can you tell? ; )