On the Brink of a New Year: 2010

Well, the new year is upon us and its that time again for those ubiquitous resolutions. I used to be big on those; I’d write pages of goals and things that I would do differently in the new year. Very often I actually would do them, too. How things have changed, though! The past couple years it’s been one day at a time just trying to get through. I don’t have the energy or motivation to set goals for myself. Oh, ED, how I long to be rid of you forever. I would have to say that is probably my biggest hope for 2010 (I think that is such a cool year—I just like how the numbers fit together. Haha. I’m weird!):

I want to start LIVING my life.
I want to get rid of my pesky all-encompassing eating disorder.
I want to regain my health, vitality, and zest for living.
I want to stop feeling like I would rather be dead.
 
Gosh, I’m tearing up as I write this. These things are so close to my heart and so desperately desired by me that I can’t describe the frustration I feel at having them be so tangible yet so seemingly unachievable. I guess I really don’t have to explain, though. I suppose we have all felt that way at one point or another. I know that I often portray a "chipper" front on this blog, and I do feel a sort of happiness sometimes, but it is not that deep peace that I once felt. I no longer am the carefree, happy girl I once was. Now, it is like each day there is a weight pressing on me and I feel it is about to suffocate me—sometimes I almost wish it would. But there is no reprieve, it just digs deeper and deeper into my being.

I’m not trying to start a pity party or get sympathy, I’m just expressing what is in my heart…and my hopes that—at least part of—this weight will be lifted in the coming year. I so desperately want to feel better. I just don’t know how. One reason I am keeping this blog, this online journal of my thoughts and such, is because I hope to show my transition and recovery. I want to share that journey; I want to show others that it is possible. And I hope 2010 will reveal great progress towards that vision.

A Great Place to Buy Raw, Unpasteurized Almonds!

I love supporting small, family-owned businesses. Maybe I’m just a sucker for the sentimental aspect of it, but you can’t deny that warm fuzzy feeling you get when you order something from a family farm or shop. At least I can’t. Recently, I had the pleasure of ordering from one such place…

  It was during my search for truly raw, unpasteurized almonds that I came across a link to Briden Wilson Farm. According to their website (www.homegrownalmonds.com), they are “a family owned and operated almond farm in the north-central valley of California.” The real deal-breaker, however, was the price. Get this: the raw almonds are about $8 per pound—and right now you can get free shipping on all orders over $20! That is really, really good for raw, unpasteurized almonds. In fact, it’s the best I could find anywhere. And, no, they did not pay me or bribe me to do this review. It’s just one shopper to another. : )

I don’t do a lot of business over the Internet (except from Amazon and bigger retailers like that) so I was a little nervous that they would just run away with the credit card number or something—you know, all those hoaxes you hear about. Thankfully, no such thing happened. I promptly received an order confirmation and not to long after—yesterday, in fact—my box of lovely almonds came in the mail complete with a handwritten note.



But that’s not all! Today I received a lovely Christmas e-card from them, which included a picture of their five adorable kids. This was part of the message:



What did I say? I’m a sucker for the sentimental little touches! Cool, too, that they are Christians.

 
                                         My order

I think I just found my favorite place to buy almonds!!!

Cheezy Popcorn

Vegan and down-right delicious, this popcorn is a much better alternative to the microwave or butter-laden variety.

Cheezy Popcorn

1/2 cup of unpopped popcorn kernels
oil of your choice (neutral tasting is best)
nutritional yeast*
sea salt
onion powder

1. Pop corn kernels using an air popper. (This is better than the traditional stovetop method because the oil is not heated—which may cause it to become carcinogenic. You can also put some kernels in a paper bag with the top folded and microwave it. I haven't had much of luck with this method, as I usually get a lot of unpopped kernels.)

2. Drizzle or spritz with cold-pressed oil (try to use as little as you can but still enough so that the seasonings adhere to the popcorn). Toss oil with popped corn using your hands.

3. Sprinkle on nutritional yeast, sea salt, and onion powder to taste. (You may wish to omit the onion powder; if you do include it, keep in mind that it imparts a very strong flavor and you will want to start out lightly. I find the onion powder gives it that "sour cream and onion" flavor.) Once again, mix the popcorn with your hands in a large bowl until the seasonings are equally distributed and coat each popped kernel of corn.

4. Munch away!

*Nutritional yeast is a seasoning that you should be able to find at your grocery store—trust me, if I could find it where I live (in the middle of nowhere), you should be able to find it, too! If not, order it online. Besides being a tasty addition to almost any dish, nutritional yeast (or as some call it, “noosh”) is a great source of B vitamins and protein.

P.S. I write “cheezy” not because I can’t spell but to avoid confusion with dairy cheese. ; )

Stuffing it Down

A lot of times when I eat I feel like I am not doing so because I am hungry or because my body is physically requesting nourishment. On the contrary, far too often I eat to avoid dealing with the things in my life—be they thoughts, emotions, or situations—that are unpleasant, difficult to deal with, or uncomfortable.

Tired? Must eat.
Bored? Food! 
Uncertain? What can I cram down my throat…
Happy? I just want to eat.
You get the idea.

Usually the things I reach for in these situations are not true “feel good” foods; I begin to crave sugar, processed fats, salty snacks, grains or carbohydrates, and very processed convenience food. Why is it that I reach these things and not—oh, say—an apple, a fresh kale salad, some crunchy carrot sticks, or a juicy orange? The reason is—and  I can’t remember where I read this, but I have seen it written about many times— that processed sugary, fatty, carby foods actually numb the senses much in the same way that some drugs do! It’s kind of scary to think about but food really can be a dangerous and harmful drug…and it can also be a beautiful and energizing experience of taste, texture, color, and beauty.

The things that will really make us feel better are usually not found in a package. In fact, as a basic rule, the less packaged the product the better it is for you. If we were actually looking to feel better, though, chances are we would grab the genuinely wholesome and nourishing foods that nature provides for us instead of grabbing a bunch of chemical-filled junk. And if we really wanted to feel better why would be stuff ourselves into painful, uncomfortable oblivion? It is because the problems lie much deeper than the food itself.

The difference with raw, living food is that all those typical “comfort” foods (which really aren’t so comforting in the long run, as I discussed above) are eliminated from the diet. With all that “protection” gone, one is left to—gasp!—actually deal with those intense emotions, thoughts, and feelings.

It’s a painful process. Trust me; I know. In fact, that’s kind of what I’m going through right now: a desire to eat more whole fresh foods, yet that addiction to cooked comfort food that keeps pulling me back. I’m determined to win. Life is too beautiful to drown with food.

After the Binge: 5 Steps to Get Back on Track

Hellooo! It’s been a few days since I’ve written on here but, never fear, I haven’t forgot about this dear blog. Life has just been a little crazy and stressful with the ACT test and college finals. The good news is that all of that is behind me now and I can focus on what I love: enjoying this wonderful time of year! Yay!

So, for me, along with stress—and any kind of emotion, really— comes that dreaded emotional eating. You know what I mean: eating not to nourish and sustain one’s body but to satisfy a deeper craving—an unidentified need—and an effort to drown those feelings. Now I am aware that some people may resent the level at which I talk about my personal experiences, but I chose to discuss these things on here because my hope is that by conveying in a frank and honest fashion the nature of the struggles I go through, those dealing with similar issues can take courage and comfort knowing that they are not alone and that no matter how difficult things get there is HOPE. Believe me, I don’t always feel that way myself. In fact, recently I’ve been feeling quite hopeless. But the TRUTH is that even if we don’t feel it, there is hope.

The really challenging thing about emotional eating isn’t the eating, it’s the  feeling after the eating. Namely, those “I’m a big, fat, ugly, lazy, unintelligent slob” thoughts that bombard the mind in its moment of weakness. So what’s a girl to do? Well, the worst thing is to wallow in those sour emotions. You need to accept those emotions—anxiety, fear, sadness, frustration, boredom, or whatever—and really let yourself feel those feelings. That brings us to the first step:

1. Acknowledge your emotions. Not everybody feels chipper all the time. Give yourself permission to realize that you’re not feeling that great right now. What specifically is bothering you? Journal about it, if you wish. Acknowledge your emotions, accept them, let them go.

2. Start over. Your future starts now. Okay, so you binged. Big whoop. Ask yourself: “Will I even care about this in a year? A month? A week? Will it affect my life that much?” Chances are that once the act is done and you’ve moved on it can’t hurt you  any more. All that’s left for you to decide how you want to live NOW. Not the past. Not the future. Now.

3. Be compassionate: Don’t beat yourself up over what happened, your lack of self-control, or whatever it is that is re-playing over and over in your head. Remind yourself that it’s okay to make mistakes and that you are doing better already just by realizing that! Think of the progress you have made and applaud yourself. Ask God’s help and try to see yourself as he sees you.

4. Talk to someone. This is one of the hardest ones, I think. So often we feel like we are burdening and bothering other people with our anxieties. The truth is that we need each other. Is there a caring, trusted individual that you trust whom you can confide in and let your emotions out to? Call, email or chat with someone if there is no one close by. If you’re not comfortable with talking to someone, you can journal or audio record yourself. You don’t have to listen to or read it later; just let it out!!!

5. Distract yourself. Do something you love! Watch a movie (comedy is great for this, I find), listen to podcasts, take a leisurely stroll with a friend (see #4), get out of the house, draw a picture, use the computer, play a board game, do something fun with your children or siblings, go shopping, do yoga, breathe in some fresh air, take a nap if you need it, make a scrapbook, send a birthday card, look at photos…have fun!!! The possibilities are endless.

As a final note: I’m not an expert on this matter and I have just as much trouble as the next person following this advice. The main thing is just to be gentle with yourself and do what works for you. This, too, will pass. Also, for real help I suggest seeing someone such as a counselor, therapist, life coach, etc. who can help you work through these emotions and situations on a deeper level.

My prayer for you is that find peace and freedom. Take heart!

Salad in a Glass: My Favorite Way to Enjoy Greens

I can hear you now. You’re looking at the green concoction below and thinking to yourself: What is that? Well, my friend*, that is a beautiful green smoothie. Green as in spinach. Yes, spinach…in a smoothie! Trust me, it’s not as gross as it sounds.


I credit Angela (founder of The Green Monster Movement) for getting me started on green smoothies (or green monsters as she likes to call them). I had heard of them before but I didn’t actually try them until I started following her blog; her enthusiasm is pretty contagious and I before I knew it I was popping spinach in the blender and hoping for the best! My first attempt was less than stellar and it took awhile for me to find a smoothie that I liked. (Note: It’s fun to experiment, but sometimes I still come up with a combination that I’m not crazy about.) Before I knew it I was drinking my kale, my collards, and just about any other leafy green I could find. Trust me, these babies can be addicting! My current favorite, however, is just a nice simple green smoothie made with spinach and banana. In fact, I just finished one.

The great thing about green smoothies is that you don’t have to have a lot of fancy equipment to try them, they are SUPER healthy, and really fast and easy to make. What could be better, right?

I have heard that the secret to fabulous green smoothies is the proper ratio of greens to fruit. I think it's something like 60% greens and 40% fruit. To me that seems a little overcomplicated, though. I just throw things in the blender and try it until I like it! But this is a good guideline and it serves as a reminder not to get over-zealous with the greens. Its also key to remember to mix up the greens: try as many different types of fresh organic greens as you have available to you. Mixing it up is key!
Victoria Boutenko has a great book called Green for Life that explains more about the importance of greens in your diet and how you can incorporate them into your lifestyle. I have not read the book yet (I am waiting for it to arrive from the inter-library loan system), but I have heard great things about it. She has another book, The Green Smoothie Revolution that I can't wait to get my hands on (it's also on its way). Both sound like awesome and enlightening reads!

Now, here is my recipe for one of my favorite green smoothies. This smoothie is so creamy and yummy, I just know you’re going love it!

Audrey's Creamy-Dreamy Green Smoothie

• a couple large handfuls of washed organic baby spinach (use less if you’re just starting out)
• 1 cup of almond milk (I use unsweetened or sweetened Almond Breeze in vanilla or original.)
• 1-2 tablespoons of chia seeds or ground flax seed
• 1 ripe banana (you can freeze it first but I prefer not to—especially in winter. Brrr!)
• 1/2 of an (uncooked) zucchini, chopped or sliced (this is entirely optional)

That’s it! Throw everything in your blender and blend until it is smooooth as can be. Pour into a fancy glass and sip away! Delicious!!!

Go to the Green Monster Movement’s website for plenty more recipes from Angela and readers.



Smoothies not your thing? Well they should be! Just kidding. If you want some great raw green soups (a.k.a., blended salads) to try check out Gena’s post here.

By the way, I hope you all had a nice feastday yesterday.

 

*I don’t think I’ll ever be able to say “my friend” again without thinking of John McCain.

P.S. Check out this giveaway for a chance to win some YouBars!

When Life Gives You Lemons…

Happy Second Sunday of Advent, everyone! Less than two weeks until Christmas.

Brrr! Today is chilly. It was 19 degrees this morning on the way to Mass. Still, not a drop of snow on the ground.

Now, as for the lemons; I had a rather “lemony” experience this morning. After Mass my dad “surprised” us and took us to a nearby parish for a country-style breakfast. At the outset, I was pretty annoyed: why didn’t they tell me! I had stuff to do…I could’ve at least brought something to work on if I would’ve known! I vocally huffed and puffed a little bit, but in the end I was stuck sitting in the van. It was one of those situations where I could either make the best of it or make myself miserable. I realize now that it wasn’t very nice or thoughtful of me to project my malcontent on others. They had every right to enjoy that breakfast if they so desired. By now I’m sure some of you are wondering why exactly I didn’t go in and eat with them. The answer is pretty simple: I don’t like that kind of food. As someone with an eating disorder background it is easy to suppose that this is just my disordered tendencies popping up again. I would disagree with that, however. First off, I truly do not enjoy eggs or meat. Secondly, when I eat a bunch of junk (e.g., refined sugars and flours, etc.) I don’t feel my best, so why have my dad waste the money on a ticket for a meal that would leave me feeling lousy?  It just isn’t worth it to me to feel that way (especially if I don’t enjoy it in the first place). I also feel it is important to eat things that give me energy and clarity; there is a strong—and often overlooked—link between food and mood. Sure, I could’ve gone in and socialized but I thought it would just be confusing if I went in and didn’t eat (you know, because you have to pay to get it). And for the record, I made sure to eat a good breakfast when I got home. : )

Okay…so now that I’ve established that, I’m still stuck sitting in the van without a notebook, a book, or anything to “do”. Oh! The horror. Suddenly, it dawned on me: I could take a walk. The church was located fairly close to the downtown and it was a pretty safe residential area, so this seemed like it would work wonderfully. So I left a note on the driver seat, made sure I took my phone and set out for a brisk (and I mean VERY brisk!) 20-25 minute walk—periodically checking back of course to see if they were done. During my walk I tried to breathe in deeply and let go of the aggravation that had welled up inside of me surrounding the situation. Negative thoughts are like poison to the body. Just recently I have learned a little more about this. When we breed such malcontent and anger it really just hurts us—not only mentally, but physically as well. In short, there are real internal changes our body goes through in response to these emotions and they aren’t good for us. So in the end this turned into a great opportunity for me to get my daily walk in first thing and I even got a blog post out of it. Life isn’t so bad after all!

This whole situation may not seem like a big deal, but it kind of was for me. It was just an example of how easy it is in our day to day lives to think that our happiness or lack of happiness depends on things, or situations, or people. When those don’t align for us, however, sometimes we just need to take a step back and see how we can use whatever is hindering us as an opportunity— instead of just sitting there wallowing in self-pity or anger. In other words, sometimes we just need to see how we can turn the lemons in our life into lemonade.

Two Yummy Salads

I promised to share some of the recipes I made for Thanksgiving. A few days ago I posted the recipe for Creamy Vegan Pumpkin Tart, but I’m sure you are wondering: did I just eat pie? Nope. I prepared two other tasty and colorful salads to round out the meal…okay, and I ate a lot of other stuff too! So without further ado, I present Marinated Bean & Veggie Toss and a re-envisioned Waldorf Salad…

Marinated Bean & Veggie Toss
 
You know that ubiquitous potluck favorite consisting of a medley of beans marinated in a sweet and tangy vinaigrette? Here is a slightly more exciting take on that same staple salad. It’s got all the flavor of the original with a lot more fun veggies thrown in!

Salad:

1 can of red kidney beans, well rinsed and drained
1 can of garbanzo beans (a.k.a., chickpeas), well rinsed and drained
about 1/2 of a 1 lb. bag of frozen lima beans, briefly rinsed**
about 1/2 of a 1 lb. bag of frozen chopped green beans, briefly rinsed**
1/2 cup* chopped onion
1/2 cup* chopped broccoli
1/2 cup* finely chopped zucchini
1/2 cup* thinly sliced carrot coins, cut in half
1 small red pepper, chopped (about 1/2 cup)

Dressing:

1/4 cup oil (canola, olive, flax, hemp…you choose)
1/2 cup apple cider vinegar
2-3 tablespoon agave nectar
1 clove garlic, minced (about 1 teaspoon)
1/2 teaspoon dry mustard
1/2 teaspoon dried tarragon
1/2 teaspoon dried basil
2 teaspoons dried parsley (or 2 tablespoons fresh, snipped)

Step 1: Combine all ingredients except those for the dressing.

Step 2: In a jar with a tight-fitting lid combine all ingredients for the dressing. Cover and shake well. Add to vegetables; stir lightly. Cover; chill for several hours or overnight.

Makes approximately 12 servings.

*Feel free to add more or less.
**It is fine to pull these straight from the freezer; they will finish thawing during the marinating time in the fridge. The brief rinsing just helps separates the beans in case they are stuck together into a frozen clump.

Crisp Waldorf Salad

Growing up, we would occasionally have a Waldorf-type salad consisting of chopped apples, celery, and some raisins all tossed in a mayonnaise-type salad dressing. I was never extremely fond of this dish as I developed an aversion to mayonnaise (and egg-products in general) as I grew older. (That’s another story, however. Hint: it had  a lot to do with raising our own chickens). That’s why I was excited to come across this recipe several years ago (for the life of me I can’t remember where) that featured the traditional blend of apples, celery and raisins, but this time tossed in a light vinaigrette and served on a bed of greens. Yum! When brainstorming what to make for Thanksgiving I remembered this recipe, which is perfectly autumnal in its highlighting of seasonal apples. Here is my version of this lovely salad.

Vinaigrette:

4 tablespoons oil (canola, olive, flax, hemp…you choose)
2 tablespoons red wine vinegar
1/2 teaspoon freshly ground pepper
2 teaspoons agave nectar
1 teaspoon Dijon mustard

Salad:

4 cups finely chopped apples (any variety—red is preferable)
2 cups finely chopped celery
1/4 cup raisins
1/4 cup chopped walnuts (optional)
6 cups torn mixed salad greens (I used a blend of spinach, romaine, and arugula)

Step 1: In a small jar with a tight-fitting lid, combine all vinaigrette ingredients; shake well.

Step 2: In a large bowl, combine apples, celery, raisins, and walnuts (if desired). Pour vinaigrette over apple mixture; toss gently to combine. Cover; refrigerate at least 1 hour or until serving time.

Step 3: To serve, divide salad greens evenly onto 12 plates. Spoon apple mixture over greens. (OR: do what I did and simply toss apple mixture with greens just before serving. This works well for a large buffet-style gathering).

Makes approximately 12 servings. (P.S. This salad was extra yummy mixed with some cranberry-orange relish on my plate. Mmm!)

Enjoy!



P.S. Unfortunately, I forgot to get pictures of these lovely dishes (It’s a shame, too, because they were both so pretty!), so the image displayed is not the exact salad that I made. It’s just a similar image that I found. I couldn’t find a good picture for the first salad, so there is none. As usual, you can click on the photo for the image source. 

Creamy Vegan Pumpkin Tart (or Pie)

In memory of last Thursday (Thanksgiving) I will share with you the delicious recipe I made for the feast. I admit that  I was really nervous about this, especially because I had to make some variations from the original recipe. Also, I baked mine in a tart pan (thus the “tart” name in the title) because my mom had all of our pie pans in use! At first I was a bit flustered about that, but I dare say I think I liked it better as a tart. (Just goes to show that sometimes having things our way isn’t always the best; life has lots of little surprises for us!) For this type of crust it was especially nice to just pat it in the pan instead of having to roll it out.

Despite all my concerns, this “pie” turned out to be absolutely delicious…and very pretty to boot! I received several compliments on it and guests especially loved how creamy it was (thanks, blender). Plus, you can feel good about eating this because of the wholesome ingredients.

This recipe is adapted from Angela at OSG’s Vegan Pumpkin Pie with a Spelt Crust, which was, in turn, inspired by Care2’s Vegan Pumpkin Pie. Gotta love the blogging world!

It’s only shiny here because I covered it with foil while it was still warm and it “weeped” a bit on the pie.
 
Ingredients:

Crust:

• 1/2 cup oil (I used canola)
• 1/4 cup raw sugar (or Sucanat)
• 2 cups whole grain spelt flour
• 1/2 cup ground flaxseed
• 1/4 cup non-dairy milk (I used Unsweetened Vanilla Almond Breeze)
• 1 teaspoon cinnamon

Filling:

• 2 cups pumpkin puree (not pumpkin pie filling)
• 12 ounces silken tofu
• 1/2 cup raw sugar (or Sucanat)
• 1/4 cup agave nectar (or maple syrup)
• 1.5 teaspoons pure vanilla extract
• 1/2 teaspoon fine grain sea salt
• 2 teaspoons pumpkin pie spice (OR: 1 teaspoon cinnamon; 1/2 teaspoon ginger; 1/4 teaspoon cloves)
• 2 tablespoons cornstarch
• pecans for garnish (optional)

Step 1: Preheat the oven to 400F. If you are using a pie pan (instead of a tart pan) lightly spray it with non-stick spray.

Step 2: For the Crust: Whisk together dry ingredients until well mixed. In a separate bowl whisk together non-dairy milk and oil. Add to dry ingredient mixture and mix by hand (or blend with a hand blender, if you wish).  Use your hands to form the dough into a ball.

Step 3: Pat the crust dough into the bottom of your pan and up the sides. If you would like to attempt rolling it out for a more traditional crust, check out Angela’s directions (and great pictures) here. Set aside crust while you make the filling.

Step 4: Filling: Blend the silken tofu in a food processor until smooth, stopping often to scrape the sides of the processor. (I used a blender and it worked fine; it will require additional scraping, though, and the tofu won’t blend very well until  the additional wet ingredients are added…at least in my blender. A high-speed or sturdier blender should give you no problem.)  Once that is smooth, add pumpkin, raw sugar, agave nectar, vanilla, sea salt, and spices. Blend well.

Step 5: Pour the filling into the pie shell.
 
Get a load of that smoooooth and creamy goodness.
  
Step 6: Place in the oven and cook at 400F for 42-45 minutes. You may want to cover the pie crust carefully with tin foil for the last 10 minutes of baking as my pie crust got brown. You can add pecans
for a garnish (as shown below) either before baking (for a roasted nut effect) or after (like I did).

Step 7: Cool for at least 30-45 minutes and then enjoy with some non-dairy vanilla ice cream or whipped cream. It is also perfectly luscious all by itself! (Psst! Try it chilled for breakfast—hey, it’s got your whole grains [spelt], protein [tofu], healthy fats [flax], fruit [pumpkin]…why not?!)

This recipe would also be great baked sans crust in a large soufflé dish or several ramekins (for individual servings) and enjoyed as a lovely—and egg-less!!—pumpkin custard. I just may have to try that next time.

Let’s compare…

Normal cholesterol-laden (and completely boring) pumpkin pie:
 

Healthier and tastier creamy vegan pumpkin tart:
 

The better choice is obvious, no? Now, I can’t wait to try my hands at a RAW pumpkin pie! Maybe next Thanksgiving.

But don’t wait until next Thanksgiving to make this treat for your family. Oh, and don’t tell them about the flax and tofu and stuff until after they’ve tried it. : )

You’re Not Welcome Anymore

For the most part today I ate a very healthy, high raw, veggie-rich diet. That is until  about 8pm. After my yoga class I caved in and headed to the dollar store to load up on non-vegan, definitely not raw, and far from healthy sugar-laden, hydrogenated oil loaded, million ingredient fake “food”…otherwise known as candy. As someone who is recovering from an eating disorder, far too often I still turn to food for comfort when I’m stressed, lonely, bored, angry, or otherwise. Yeah, this is hard. It’s really hard. But I’m trying to accept that it is something that I will have to deal with and work through. Most importantly, I’m trying to release the toxic thoughts that boil up in me before and after bingeing. Negativity wreaks havoc on the body…both mentally AND physically. It’s not worth further straining my health by beating myself up about my slips and falls. That is precisely the position I presently find myself: desperately struggling not to hate my guts and loathe my existence in the wake of a binge. 

I’m really trying to eat healthier and to take better care of my body. I’m not so much determined to lose weight as I am striving to gain health. That’s my goal. I want to feel my best so I can have the energy, the stamina, the clarity, and the enthusiasm to accomplish what I want to do and to love life! More and more, it is appearing to me that raw foodism will really help me achieve and maintain these goals. But more about that later (in a future post).

That’s why I’m writing this post; I’m officially going to break up with this kind of junk that masquerades as some kind of sweet drug, promising to give us bliss but leaving us feeling lousy, fat, and worse than we were before. Hardly had I finished stuffing the bars down my throat when the sugar rush started and my head started to hurt. Clearly, this wasn’t making my body happy. And I only have one body. And I do want to be alive for my life—not in a moaning, groaning sugar coma. So, I want to feed it good, wholesome, nutrient rich foods—real food—that make it hum and tick with precision and happiness.

That is why I feel the need to make the following declaration: Candy, refined sugar and the lot, WE ARE DONE! I know you’re going come around again sometime in the not-so-distant future. You’ll pull out all the old stunts trying to prove that you have what I need and all that. I can’t promise that I won’t fall for you then, but I can tell you this: YOU’RE NOT WELCOME ANYMORE. Junk food doesn’t make my body happy. It makes me feel like dirt! That’s why I want to try to eat more wholesome nourishing food. And when the little demons come to call, hopefully I’ll have a nice raw dessert or some other better-for-me tantalizing treat to wave in their stubby faces. Yes, food can be good and good for you. I’m trying to eat things that are just that. That's why I took the remaining candy and I ground it under my foot and threw it in the trash. I'm proud of myself. I stopped the binge and didn't eat 'til the end. I can gain control over food and my life...with God's help and through his grace only, of course.

The really painful thing about writing all of this is that I know I’ll fall from time to time. I still am under the painful grip of a disease and I am as weak and vulnerable to cravings as anyone I know…probably even more so. But I want to do better, and I want to make a conscious effort to do better—to explore raw vegan food and give myself nourishing and delicious options that feed my body and my spirit. Isn’t that what whole food is all about? We all know the saying “you are what you eat.” Well, I don’t know about you, but I want to live with my whole person. :)

*The Blind Side* movie review

Whew! What a fun weekend. On Saturday my older sister (she’s home for Thanksgiving break) went to look at possible hotels for her guests to stay at when they come here for the wedding. We got lost and ended up in a very rough part of town—it was kind of scary, but she did a got job driving and navigating. We did find a beautiful hotel for the wedding party to stay at and we also visited the site where her reception will be. It was truly an adventure! We did make it home in time for dinner, though, and good thing because our parish priest was coming over for it.

On Sunday afternoon AM (my older sister) and I stopped by Starbuck’s and got chai tea lattes (mine with soy milk…yum!) and then went and saw The Blind Side starring Sandra Bullock. Bullock played the role beautifully and the movie was great! It’s really cool that it is all a true story…though I’m not sure how faithful the film was to the actual events. It must’ve been pretty close, though, because the real family allowed their photos to be shown during the credits. If you haven’t seen this movie I would definitely recommend it. Keep in mind, however, that there are some mature themes at times and it wouldn’t be suitable for young children. To read an in-depth movie analysis click here.

Thankfully, it’s not your typical sports flick and that’s just one of the things I loved about it. One thing that my sister and I were talking about on the way home is what a great marriage the couple in the movie (played Sandra Bullock and Tim McGraw—yes, he acts! I didn’t know it either). With my sister getting married in a year I guess she’s really observant about marriages: which ones work, which ones don’t, what they want theirs to be like…that sort of thing. Well, in this film I would definitely say that the portrayal of the Tuohy’s marriage was very positive and quite delightful.  I think it is also worth noting that Quinton Aaron really nailed the role of Michael Oher. His performance was so convincing. You could see his whole story in his eyes. This film really leaves you with a good feeling inside and something to think about.  You can go here to watch some clips from the movie or here for the film’s official website.

*12/4/09*: You can also read a really great review of this film here. This is also very interesting.