I got some interesting feedback on a post I published a couple days ago. In it I reflected on the past year and decade, and shared my hopes for 2010. Obviously, one of my wishes was that I would progress in getting over my eating disorder. My aunt (and godmother) commented on this post with this very thought-provoking message (I added the boldness):Audrey, Much love and happiness to you in the new year! I just started reading a good book by Susan Monk Kidd called Firstlight...see if you can get a copy, if not, will happily send you mine when I am done. You are going through amazing processes and such spiritual growth...isn't it incredible what struggles lead us to. Love your ED...really LOVE it! For it is a part of you and it is what is leading you to find your depths. By hating it you only give it more power. You are on a wonderful journey that was brought on by finding out that you are not perfect...Congratulations! None of us are, but it is through the shedding and struggle that the worm becomes the butterfly. Hang on dear one...you are revealing your inner light!!! Much peace & blessings! Aunt ElizabethI was rather taken aback—and intrigued—at this suggestion. I responded…
That is a really powerful thought -- to love my ED. I honestly never considered that. Everything I read and see is about hating it and distancing oneself from that destructive behavior...To which she replied…
I will DEFINITELY check out that book! : )
It is an ancient belief...that which we resist, persists. Look at all the examples in nature...the shore cannot hold onto the wave, but lets it fall back to the ocean, trees move with the wind because if they resist, they will crack...life becomes full of signs of love that can sustains us each moment.
So why am I sharing all of this? Well, because if this is true, it is a ground-breaking and revolutionary concept…for me and for anyone else who has always hated their disordered eating tendencies. Much of my attitude toward it has stemmed from a humorous and easy read that my counselor suggested to me several years ago. I immediately interloaned this book, Life without Ed, and proceeded to devour every chapter of Jenni’s 
witty, conversationalist-style writing At the time, this book really helped me, as I could relate to many of the things that the author experienced. The entire premise of this book is to treat one’s eating disorder as a person, Ed. He is the abusing relationship that one is trying to break free from. This may all sound really strange, but the book is meant to be humorous and light…plus you just kind of have to read it to understand (Jenni Schaefer recently released a new book, which I wrote about here). Her point is that you should hate Ed not yourself, because Ed isn’t you!
witty, conversationalist-style writing At the time, this book really helped me, as I could relate to many of the things that the author experienced. The entire premise of this book is to treat one’s eating disorder as a person, Ed. He is the abusing relationship that one is trying to break free from. This may all sound really strange, but the book is meant to be humorous and light…plus you just kind of have to read it to understand (Jenni Schaefer recently released a new book, which I wrote about here). Her point is that you should hate Ed not yourself, because Ed isn’t you!Does that mean loving—not loathing—every binge, every bloated and uncomfortable symptom? Smiling at every depressing thought and welcoming the desire to stuff the body to alleviate the hunger of the soul?
It hardly seems easy; in fact, to me it seems impossible! But is there really something to this?
What do you think?
11 comments:
Wow, this was a truly incredible post for me to read. Although I don't really like to publicize my relationship with food (other than portray it as being happy and healthy) the truth is that it has not always been as such. To this day I still have disordered patterns in my eating - but not in the restrictive sense that most other girls have - but by binging! I binge sometimes until I'm blue in the face and always at very late hours - it's terrible to do it right before sleep. Anyhow - I wanted to shout out to you by saying : Your aunt is INCREDIBLE. Although you bolded the "provocative" parts, this line is what stuck out to me the most:
"You are going through amazing processes and such spiritual growth...isn't it incredible what struggles lead us to."
It is true that every circumstance in our lives is sovereignly and masterfully arranged by our Lord - even to force us to become more desperate to seek Him, to gain Him, and to be found in Him. Isn't that incredible? Remember that in Romans 8:18 Paul did not even consider the sufferings of this present time to be worthy to be compared with the coming glory! And then of course, Romans 8:28 : ALL THINGS work together for good to those who love God, to those who are called according to His purpose.
Amen! =) If you ever need an ear, mine is open.
I thought that this post of Fr. Longenecker's about New Year's Resolutions was pertinent. http://gkupsidedown.blogspot.com/2010/01/why-try.html
I can see how understanding one's disorder is important and how accepting one's tendencies so that one can overcome them is a part of the battle. But any disorder is related to sin, right? The root of the word is to be "wrongly ordered." It is just the sin we are more disposed to (and even perhaps not as culpable for at the same time because of the chemical disposition of our bodies). The sin for depression, for instance, is despair. Embracing the sin of despair would be terrible, but to nurture the corresponding virtue, which is that of hope, would be productive.
Believe me, I'm no student of philosophy, but the way I understand the Catholic teaching of sin is that it is goodness perverted. We would be lost indeed if we embraced a perversion that was contrary to God, but embracing the virtue that is being perverted would aid in combating the sin. For a person who's inclination is towards lust, the answer would be to aspire towards greater love. Lust is something that happens to love when tainted by our fallen nature and disordered priorities.
One of those big thinkers, Aquinas maybe?, said that true humility is simply honesty. In some sense, it requires us to accept our failings and imperfections while not making excuses, and yet, it requires us to be honest about our successes as well. It is humble to graciously accept a compliment. You must love yourself, and as our pastor often demands, you must "let God love you." Love is not contingent upon a particular problem, and we are challenged to allow God to love us warts and all so we can freely accept his mercy!
I think you have to determine what works for YOU. Not every philosophy works for every person.
Wow. That's really deep--it took me like 20 minutes just to reach a semblance of comprehension. Haha. It's good, though, and I get what you are saying: it helps to embrace the positive virtue or habit instead of dwelling on the "fallen" tendency. So, in this case that would be moderation? humility? or maybe generosity? I don't know...
I checked out the link you mentioned and he has some interesting things to say. However, he just kind of leaves it there. I wish he would say how or why those things help or thoughts in implementing them. Perhaps that is in the book(s) he mentioned, though. I get what he is saying but it seems almost impossible for me to do that stuff. Maybe I just don't want to enough, though?
Thank you for your very thoughtful response. I really appreciate the great feedback.
Thank you for your honesty and openness, Aletheia. Bingeing is my trouble too. : ( It can be a very painful experience and very challenging to overcome--to say the least. It amazes me how many women (and men) can relate similar struggles.
My aunt is awesome. I was kind of blown away by how great her comments were--that's why I had to share them!
I know in my heart that God has all of this happening for a reason but the difficult part is dealing with those struggles on a day-to-day scale. I can only hope and pray that some day things will get better.
I like those passages you shared. They are very beautiful and inspirational. It amazes me how scripture can hold within it exactly what we need to hear at the time.
Hi, Holly Noelle. Thanks for stopping by! I think you are absolutely correct in asserting that everyone is different. It is true; we all have our unique personalities and backgrounds that can affect what is works for us. The challenging part, however, is discovering just what it is that works for us personally.
I don't really know enough about eating disorders to understand the root of the issue well. I also did not want to venture into presuming what your particular "demons" might be. That is something that can be discerned through a great deal of prayer, meditation, and the advice of a good priest or spiritual director. I can guess that an eating disorder is related to control and the obvious sin of gluttony. I recently learned that Augustine categorized gluttony as such:
* Praepropere – too soon
* Laute – too expensively
* Nimis – too much
* Ardenter – too eagerly
* Studiose – too daintily
* Forente – too fervently
As to *why* one chooses to indulge in that way, I can imagine that varies from person to person. Is it pride, vanity, self-hatred, or something else entirely? The response would be different depending.
I have not read Fr. Longenecker's rosary book, but I would expect it to be a good place to start. You might read some Theresa of Avila as well. She is very accessible (especially her autobiography), and she gives very practical advice for how to approach holiness and a life of prayer. Also, I have found anything by Fr. Thomas Dubay to be extremely challenging (not as in too difficult to read, but challenging in the sense of what one is called to do) but giving excellent insight into how to begin the habits for meditative and contemplative prayer, as well as defining them and understanding what they are exactly.
The saints all speak so much about detachment, but it wouldn't work if the goal was simply to create a void or vacuum. We slowly let go of self in order to fill that void with God. Our self-destructive longings come from a longing for the Divine which is misplaced. We are seeking satisfaction in earthly things which will only satisfy for a short while before we are bored and need more and more. We will struggle with this until we achieve the beatific vision in heaven.
I can imagine an eating disorder to be the same. In some way, it is a response to filling another void or desire. Perhaps you cannot simply let go of the disorder without discovering what it is you are seeking through this behaviour and seeking in God the healthy response to that longing.
I don't really know enough about eating disorders to understand the root of the issue well. I also did not want to venture into presuming what your particular "demons" might be. That is something that can be discerned through a great deal of prayer, meditation, and the advice of a good priest or spiritual director. I can guess that an eating disorder is related to control and the obvious sin of gluttony. I recently learned that Augustine categorized gluttony as such:
* Praepropere – too soon
* Laute – too expensively
* Nimis – too much
* Ardenter – too eagerly
* Studiose – too daintily
* Forente – too fervently
As to *why* one chooses to indulge in that way, I can imagine that varies from person to person. Is it pride, vanity, self-hatred, or something else entirely? The response would be different depending.
I have not read Fr. Longenecker's rosary book, but I would expect it to be a good place to start. You might read some Theresa of Avila as well. She is very accessible (especially her autobiography), and she gives very practical advice for how to approach holiness and a life of prayer. Also, I have found anything by Fr. Thomas Dubay to be extremely challenging (not as in too difficult to read, but challenging in the sense of what one is called to do) but giving excellent insight into how to begin the habits for meditative and contemplative prayer, as well as defining them and understanding what they are exactly.
The saints all speak so much about detachment, but it wouldn't work if the goal was simply to create a void or vacuum. We slowly let go of self in order to fill that void with God. Our self-destructive longings come from a longing for the Divine which is misplaced. We are seeking satisfaction in earthly things which will only satisfy for a short while before we are bored and need more and more. We will struggle with this until we achieve the beatific vision in heaven.
I can imagine an eating disorder to be the same. In some way, it is a response to filling another void or desire. Perhaps you cannot simply let go of the disorder without discovering what it is you are seeking through this behaviour and seeking in God the healthy response to that longing.
Thanks for the advice. I will look into the books you mentioned. Teresa of Avila always scared me a bit because of the seven levels thing--I kind of get lost with all that. I have not actually read any of her writings, though, other than quotes. I think I actually went to a talk several years ago given by Fr. Dubay. Did he write Fire Within, or something like that? Maybe I am confusing him with someone else. It is true that I feel very stagnant in my spiritual life. Not just immobile, really, but crippled--frozen. I want to move but I can't.
Regardless, these are some wonderful and very helpful thoughts. Thank you, as always, for taking the time to share them.
Amen! It is TRUE that we can only take it one day at a time... And even when we REALIZE what the bigger picture is in terms of why He has arranged certain things to happen in our lives, it sometimes still takes months - even years ! - for us to actually learn the lesson. Trust me, I speak from experience... ;) It is all part of the process of "breaking" our outer man so that our inner man (our spirit) might be expressed!
A small tip if I might so humbly offer... You may actually find it more helpful not to pray to remove your thorn - ie. that your circumstance would be "better" in an outward sense - but that the Lord would gain what He is after in you, even if He must keep the thorn on a bit longer... Tell the Lord in a very simple and honest way, as if He is your bestest and only real friend in the whole world: "Lord, I can't make it." And He will tell you that He already knows that. :) His whole purpose is to SHOW us that even our strongest efforts are really just weakness - He wants us to lean on Him as our beloved (like in Song of Songs). :)
Lots of hugs and warm wishes. Know that I am also struggling, but that I am praying for you - not that your situation would be better, but that the Lord might gain a deeper part of you!
Love
Aletheia
Thank you so much for your support and comments. They mean a lot to me! I like your idea of accepting the "thorn" or "cross" as a tool that God has given us for a purpose. That is an amazing perspective.
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