Thank you for all of the very kind comments you left in my last post. I really can’t say enough how much they meant to me…and how much they helped. ;’)
Some day I hope I can get on here and write “wow, I feel SO much better. My life is really great right now. I never knew that I could be this happy!” I recently read a blog where the author said something about how happy she was right now. That was such a nice reminder—happiness does exist, and I’m really glad that people do feel that way. Hopefully, someday I can feel that happiness, too. I’m not saying I have to be laughing and swinging from the chandeliers all the time. I guess I just mean ‘content’. Yes, content. That warm, quiet peace inside. That no matter how much the surface gets ruffled, there is still that imperturbable core of serenity. That’s what I want.
Photo; quote (please forgive my rather crumby compilation of the two…)
Today—praise God—was much better. (Though my eyes are still a little red from all the crying I did yesterday. But I’m just glad I am able to cry—it’s such a good release. I have had times where it’s been almost frustrating because I felt so sad inside but all I could do was sit there, with no way to let that emotion out. So tears can be good, in a way.)
It’s difficult with this type of thing to sort out what is my fault and what may be biological or biochemical. I don’t want to be the kind of person who is always blaming everyone but me. But I also don’t want to be too hard on myself. :) Yesterday, I think I might have come off as a little mean to my parents, counselor, and psychiatrist. Really, they are all very caring people. I think perhaps, like me, they just don’t know how to deal with this. I understand that it must be frustrating for them, too.
I’m very grateful to have parents that care about me, even if they don’t always understand. I guess no one can really ever fully understand, but I also think it would be nice to develop a support group outside of my family that I could reach out to when I am feeling low. Sometimes I just need someone to talk to me and reassure me that I am going to be okay and that am still a valuable person, even if I am feeling very bad at the moment. As corny as it sounds, just knowing someone cares—really cares—and wants to help can make all the difference. I am not the kind of person that likes to be let alone when I am feeling bad. I don’t mean that in the ‘misery loves company’ way. I just usually really want someone to talk to, to express my emotions to, to comfort me. I hope this is normal? I guess I’m not very good on the whole stiff-upper-lip thing. :/
Well, thank you again for your kind comments. Here’s to a great tomorrow!
Update: I am having a problem with the commenting system and the comments from the past couple months are not showing up. So if you commented recently that’s why it isn’t showing up. I’ve contacted Disqus about it and hopefully it will be fixed. You can leave any comments you want now, though, and they will show up fine. It’s just the old ones that are the problem. Thanks!
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"Finish every day and be done with it. You have done what you could; some blunders and absurdities crept in; forget them as soon as you can. Tomorrow is a new day; you shall begin it serenely and with too high a spirit to be encumbered with your old nonsense." –Ralph Waldo Emerson
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