7 Quick Takes Friday – 7/29/11

I’m not a fan of Taylor Swift, but I love this retro-inspired photo shoot she did for TeenVogue.I absolutely loved this article from The Modern Mrs. Darcy about what Eleanor Roosevelt can teach us about blogging. It includes so many points that I need to be reminded of frequently!Speaking of blogging, I’ve been thinking (more) about the direction my blog has been going. I know in the past I’ve sometimes let it be a space for my rants and an outlet for my frustrations. Well, I believe in keeping it real, but I also want this to be a upbeat and positive space with content that I can be proud of. I can’t always change my situation, but I can change my attitude! I have gone back and deleted a lot of my old posts, and will probably do more in the future. It’s not that I think journaling like this is bad—sometimes it really does help to get those frustrations out—but publishing it is a different matter. I think writing depressing things only drags others down, and that’s the last thing I want to do. Like I said, I won’t put on a false-front or be something I’m not. I’ll still talk about things that are hard, but I don’t want to do it in such a downbeat way. It’s taken me awhile to see this, but I am really excited about this new direction I’m taking! I want to bring goodness, beauty, and truth to the world. I don’t want this to be a quagmire of negativity or mediocrity.

I’ll be honest, I am having a hard time right now even as I write. But I’m not entirely sure how to share these things without sounding downbeat.

I also think that the things I blog about are still evolving. For awhile I kind of floundered around somewhere between a food blog and a personal blog. Oftentimes, I would just post for the sake of posting, and the content really wasn’t that great (those are the posts I’ve been deleting). Even if my posts are fewer in between, I want to post because I genuinely have something to say (or share, as the case may be).


                           I recently had the chance to sample some Raw Crunch Bars [full disclosure: they were sent to me free of charge for my honest review], and I really enjoyed them! As the name would imply, they are very crunchy—but not in a hard or break-your-tooth way. The flavor is pleasantly nutty from the variety of seeds, and they are fairly low in sugar. Be aware that these do contain honey. This was an interesting take on what it’s like to be both a faithful Catholic and a homosexual. What an inspiring witness, and a great reminder to pray for each other as we all deal with our own particular crosses.

  Have you heard that Banana Republic is launching a line of clothing inspired by the television show Mad Men? I don’t watch the show, but I am a lover of vintage and retro-inspired fashion! I like what I’ve seen so far, though I admit to hoping that it would be a little less contemporary, and a more vintage looking. I guess ‘inspired by’ is the key phrase. The men’s wear looks more authentic than the women’s. Like the shoes, for example, don’t seem to be a genuine ‘60s silhouette. What do you think? I definitely love the idea, and some pieces are really great. This was a helpful article from Faith & Family about managing stress. I especially liked the “Picture it” and “Read and write” ideas.

**7 Quick Takes Friday is hosted by Conversion Diary**

Have a great weekend!

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"Perhaps to be able to learn things quickly isn't everything. To be kind is worth a great deal to other people...Lots of clever people have done harm and have been wicked."  — Frances Hodgson Burnett (A Little Princess)

I am Grateful

After yesterday’s pessimistic post I feel the need to balance things out by being more cheerful.

So, here are some things that I’m thankful for…

• my mom killing spiders for me at 11:30 p.m. last night [If I ever live alone I will definitely need to hire a live-in exterminator!]
• also, my mom collecting my laundry…and washing it…and emptying my wastebaskets…and doing the dishes…and never complaining during any of it, despite the heat. My mom is pretty amazing.
• a basement to stay cool in
• electric fans (what did people do without them in the olden days?)
• the fact that it gets cool[er] at night
• the beautiful zinnia that my sister planted and picked (pictured below)
• libraries
• movies
• my computer
• my family
• clean sheets
• ice cold water
• being able to read and write
• blogs
• my faith
• veggies and fruits that keep us healthy
• podcasts
• when things work out
• moonlight
• running water
• clean air, shelter, and enough to eat
• hair-ties to pull my hair out of my face
• health
• books to read
• getting up earlier
• being able to fall asleep
• God still loving me, despite all my flaws and imperfections.

I am grateful.

 
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“I would maintain that thanks are the highest form of thought; and that gratitude is happiness doubled by wonder.”  – G.K. Chesterton

Hot and Tired

It’s hot as Hades here and there’s no sign of it letting up. Tomorrow is supposed to have a high of 93. That might not sound bad to some of you, but I’m a Northern girl, used to long snowy winters. To put it lightly, I do not do well in the heat. I think they need to have a medical term for ‘suicidally hot’, because that’s basically how I’ve felt over the past few days. We don’t have air conditioning, and I don’t know how much longer I can take this. Tomorrow I’m hoping  to escape for awhile to the library where it is COOL. But…I don’t drive so that means finding someone to take me. I think my mom might. My will to live is pretty much zapped at this point. I’m trying to take refuge in our basement—and that does help a little—but I still feel pretty down (um, no pun intended?).

Most of all I feel tired. I just can’t deal with anything. Every little hardship or inconvenience just makes me want to cry. Life is so hard, and I KNOW—my rational brain knows—that as far as hardships go I have it pretty easy. I have it very good, in fact. So why does it have to feel so darn hard? It just makes me feel guiltier for feeling this way and that makes me feel worse.

I’m tired of writing depressing posts like this. I don’t like reading this type of thing myself, so I’m not sure why I write them. I guess I have to get it out somehow—when it gets to the point that I feel like the pressure inside of me is just going to burst; when every noise and aggravation feels like it’s pounding on my head, scrambling up my nerves. Right now my brothers are, for some reason, pounding their feet on the hall above me. It’s grating on what little sanity I have left, and I can no longer contain the sobs welling up inside of me.

I’m tired of not being the person I want to be. This isn’t me. The real me is very different, or so I would believe. I feel like any potential I have (or once had) is stifled. I don’t know where it went, but it feels very gone.

I’m tired of not being witty, or smart, or pretty, or good at anything. Some things I used to be, but I’m not anymore: I used to be happy. I used to feel like my life had direction. I used to have a lot of hope and anticipation for the future. I used to be a good student. I used to be thin. I’m not really sure what I am anymore. Even if I want to do something, sometimes the thought or effort of it makes me body ache and my head feel like it’s going to explode. Really. For example, I want to read great books, or even not great books…just books that are a little heavier in subject matter. So I pick a topic I’m interested in—there are so many things I wish I knew more about—but I can’t seem to understand anything. The words just swim before me on the page. This is why I came home from college. It makes studying rather impossible.

I’m tired of feeling like this blog is not good enough. I didn’t like the layout, so I changed it. But there are so many things I don’t know how to do that even after spending many frustrating hours on it, it’s still not perfect. I wish I knew more about this kind of thing. I just flounder, really. Plus, I took a peak at my archives today and they seem to be formatted weird now because of the new design. I also am embarrassed and annoyed at some of my own posts. It’s hard to describe just what I dislike, but I feel so very critical.

I’m tired of going to doctors that aren’t able to help me. I’m tired of just going in and being handed a new prescription (I’m soon to start my seventh medication—if I counted right; I’m actually starting to lose track). Why can’t anyone help me? Four (or is it five?) years seems like a long time to figure this out. And I’m not getting any younger. Isn’t this supposed to be the prime of my life and all that?

There are a lot more things I’m tired of—our slow Internet, worrying about everything, living on a farm, how dirty everything seems (I actually think I’m getting progressively more OCD as the years go on. But that’s another topic for another day)—but I had better stop here.

If anyone even reads this, I’m really sorry that it’s not happy and cheerful. I’m sorry for sounding like this. I want to be better and I hope someday soon I can feel that way. I hope I can look back on posts like this and say “wow, I felt that bad?”. I’m just really frustrated right now.

Praying for a cool spell,

 

P.S. I just checked the weather (for like the sixth time today) it looks like it may cool down a bit next week. Praise God!
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“What man actually needs is not a tensionless state but rather the striving and struggling for some goal worthy of him. What he needs is not the discharge of tension at any cost, but the call of a potential meaning waiting to be fulfilled by him.” –Victor Frankl

7 Quick Takes Friday — 7/8/11

1.

You may have noticed the new blog design (I wish I would’ve thought to do before and after screencaps!). I thought it was time for a change but since I am basically the least tech-savvy person ever, it still has a lot of kinks to work out. (Though some of those I might just have to live with because I’m not sure how to fix them! Well, knowing me I’ll keep trying to make them perfect…and probably just get really frustrated! Ergh. I wish I had more expertise in this area!)

I also feel like the tone and content of the blog has shifted a little. No, I still don’t really have a well-defined tone and subject matter for this space, but I definitely know that my writing style has changed a bit in the past two years. Looking back on some of the things I’ve written honestly makes me cringe! I’m not sure if this is just a own-worst-critic thing, but I want to hide my head in shame and embarrassment after reading my old ‘about’ page, for example.  It just sounds really corny and tacky to me. :P I also don’t really like the title of the blog. “Just Audrey” sounds either narcissistic or exclusive, I think. But I haven’t been able to think of a better name (any ideas). So, until I do, it remains.

2.

But enough griping over first world problems! I can across this on Tumblr a while ago and found it to be a powerful and humbling reality check:

3.

This article about G.K. Chesterton and his wife, Frances, appealed to the romantic in me. :) Imagine receiving poetry like that!

4.

I have really been enjoying following the Duke and Duchess’ recent tour of Canada. In particular, I’ve loved seeing what Kate wore. Here are some of my favorite looks of hers from the trip so far…

It was also fun to read about how she visited Anne of Green Gables. PEI is definitely on my bucket list of places I’d like to visit!

5.

I celebrated my (20th […scary!]) birthday a few weeks ago and made a lemon layer cake with fresh berries and fluffy lemon frosting. It was SO good! My family really liked it too, and there were no complaints about it being vegan. (They could’ve just been being nice for my birthday, though…?). I absolutely love the fresh, summery combination of lemon and seasonal berries! I used this recipe for the cake but it was a tad dense. I had better luck with this one (just make the cake part. I also added 1 teaspoon pure lemon extract because I like a lot of lemon flavor). The frosting was this recipe (it makes a lot!). I also put a fresh raspberry filling between the layers, but you could just use the frosting (or lemon curd…or a strawberry filling. I think I might do one of those next time). I topped the whole thing off with fresh blueberries, raspberries, and strawberries—plus a final sprinkle of lemon zest and a sprig of mint for garnish. Delicious!

Sorry about the low-quality photos. Also, don’t spread on the frosting until cake is totally cooled. I made that mistake and, as you can see, the frosting got a little runny. It still tasted great, though. :)

6.

I really want to learn more about photography. It’s something I enjoy and have been wanting to explore further for a few years now. I just love finding the beauty in the simplest and most everyday things. As you can see by the above photos, I need some work. But even if my skill and equipment isn’t that great, I do think (if I may say so) that I have ‘the eye’ for it. I just need to learn some technique. I’m thinking about pursuing some classes, but I’m kind of scared.

7.

I’ve been working my way through the Beany Malone series (as you might see in my Goodreads sidebar widget). Written in the 1940s-1960s, these books are very light but nonetheless entertaining reading. Even if some of the characters are a bit one-dimensional and the plots sometimes predictable, they are a lot of fun. It’s nice to be able to escape to that simpler world. I’m not at a point where I want to read a lot of heavy or dramatically depressing books, so these are perfect!

Have you read any good books lately?

 
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“In spite of illness, in spite even of the archenemy sorrow, one can remain alive long past the usual date of disintegration if one is unafraid of change, insatiable in intellectual curiosity, interested in big things, and happy in small ways.”

— Edith Wharton, A Backward Glance